OF HUMAN BONDS

Oh how I envy those who are sure of everything
and especially of their own place in society!
am I still being naive in spite of having lived
on three different continents and in as many countries?
have I become cynical? My nature refuses that alternative
and this is probably why I keep marveling at things
and at people’s reactions
I believed I knew what friendship meant
as well as the value of family bond
Take my beloved brother, he’s always been some kind of a rebel
but I understood him, until ... until ...
he rebelled against me for some very futile remark I made
Did I say futile? Apparently not to him!
And we didn’t speak for months after that
he claimed that I had insulted his dignity
in hindsight, I admit that I might have been somewhat curt
but really meant no harm
since it hurt me so much to be estranged from him
and since our adored mother suffered in silence
I called him and said I was sorry
the word sorry meant two different things to him and to me
he thought I had apologized for a wrong I had done
I only wanted to reconnect, still convinced of my innocence
since I had let my nerves speak out, not my heart
Then there’s the case of a once dear friend
we were supposedly kindred spirits and believed
our minds so beautifully jelled that often words were unnecessary
Last summer he was beset with serious problems
his folks’ health began to worry him and he lost his credit line
with his bank, then his girlfriend was going to leave him
I was there when he needed me and he seemed so grateful
Then, three months later, I was the one who needed help
I emailed him, once, twice, three times, in vain, then left
a message on his answering machine, begging him to call me
in my fourth email I expressed panic and dismay and scolded him violently
he finally answered, by email, to tell me to go to hell
and to never contact him again.
Had we spoken to each other, things would have returned
as they had been, but he refused any further approach
on my part , trashing my mail, for I also wrote him letters
The consequence of this is that I no longer
believe in lifelong frienships, worse still, in making new friends
If you have any, you can count them on only one hand
It is also clearer to me now why strangers, and even whole nations
can so easily flare up and declare war
It is only the spirit of the departed which you can really count on
for solace, unconditionally, - and maybe on angels
if you believe in their existence