I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
You're only as good as your last haircut.
All men are equal before fish.
Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn.
Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.