by Lalena Ciampi
God’s gift to me
There are many children in this world born into homes of chaos, anger, violence, where no emotions, a connection that would help in the way we would treat ourselves, others, vital life skills would give the opportunity of becoming a productive member of society.
I’m here to share, the miracle of believing, forgiving, an healing. A story of a special man, who cared enough. Our perception that there is no exit, no way forward, that nothing can change. Confusion of what was normal, what to be not, finding myself in ruins after growing up in a household where mental and physical abuse lead me to the streets at the age of thirteen. Addiction effected my way of thinking, my life. All I felt, all that I would see to be, my life’s tragedies. God sent me an angle.
It wasn't your normal household, The trama of such a home to grow up, had given me personal issues, finding myself in ruins with demons I would face. Spiritualy broken, lacked self-esteem, a heart that needed mending among so many other things. Addiction filled emptyness, suffering that I held into living in my past. When I was sad I had no one, lost I walked alone. Walking with no pride, all the pain I held inside, memories were the bondage, “most” wreckage in my life are reasons for the tears I cried. As my family lost all hope within me, I lost hope within myself, feelings of unwortyness, drowning in loneliness, hanging on a limb taking what seemed to have been my last breath in life. Throwing all my dreams aside as I wanted to close my eyes, giving up is never easy. I must have inhaled once more, whispering a prayer for God to take me home.
All that’s past, God must have heard me, one of his earth angels a gift, a second chance an learn to live life happy.
I had just finished a 28-mile bike ride, thirsty and hot I was walking with my bike along the side of me, focused on the store in front of me. This man stopped, he was driving a light blue four door BMW, he was extremely handsome, eyes that reminded me of the ocean and as he smiled there was a light that shined thru them. When he spoke to me his voice was rugged and deep, asking my name, if I was married or had a boyfriend. I kept my distance, I cautiously answered his questions. There was no husband nor was there a boyfriend and although I shared my name I withheld my phone number when he asked for that. I assumed that are conversation was over so I continued to walk in the store. He asked me if I would take his number, in case I changed my mind because he would love to take me to dinner. I did not hesitate in declining this offer and his phone number. I was aware of my mental state, and I was honest when approached, so I told him I’m unhealthy and was nowhere ready to be in the company of a man. He then shared with me he was clean and sober, I knew I needed this influence in my life, so I took his number. God sent one of his angles, not realizing this yet.
Approximately two weeks went by, I recall it was the beginning of October I called. Answering on the third ring, I gave my name, our conversation went on for about forty-five minutes I reminded him towards the end of our pleasant conversation I needed nothing but a future friend. We set a date to go to dinner. The day seemed to come quickly, I was nervous, the attraction was strong. Dinner went extremely well, found we also had a lot in common. It wasn’t much longer we were spending a lot of time together, and although I knew better we were now living together. I wasn’t able to keep my mind together it fell apart, living what my past had made me I ran. My scares were deep, spirit broken, unworthy, shame, guilt for who I was, Trusting no one nor myself. Addiction came to numb the reality of what I hid inside.
Full of empathy and compassion for the people and world around me, never had I realized I carried nothing for me. Moving in and out of his life, I broke his heart he continued in trying to guide me, this very special man came in my life and fought for my love, my life, and sanity. This man brought me hope, when I gave up mine, as I felt nothing left inside. This man showed me that he understood, he was patient and kind. He gave me strength because he believed, he saw right through me, yet blind still not realizing what god has sent, his student, my friend, and instrument to help guide in healing me. The tears I cried, all the pain I held inside, all of what a gentleman should be and now he stands right in front of me, one of his earth angels God’s gift to me. His love and faith was pure and strong enough to weather my deepest darkest storms I conjured in hopes that he would run, leaving me, he fought for me, wrapping his loving arms around me. My angle stood strong never leaving my side always finding me when I just wanted to run away and hide. This earth angle is my everything. Those who may not believe there are angels who roam this earth free, there are many like me spiritually broken, who now fly free, all because this man loved me unconditionally. This angle resides still by myside never has he stepped aside for me to destroy and give up on my life.
God sent me an angle and I left all the past behind, I found the reason, the reason for loving, living, carrying faith inside, loving the world around me I left the tears and pain behind. This man puts me first he walks beside me with pride. This man loves me he holds me close to him all night, every night.
I am passionate in compassion, in hopes to be an inspiration to those individuals whom have lost their dreams or visions with-in themselves, in their lives. I have the gift of empathy, the gift of being loved, and truly loving others as well as for myself. This has been given freely, as I am to give it to others freely.
God’s gift, “blessed” he sent one of his angles to me.