Quotes by George Carlin


Electricity is really just organized lightning.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, how can that be? How can you not have all day?



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