Quotes by George Carlin


Electricity is really just organized lightning.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, how can that be? How can you not have all day?

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.


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