Dick

One of my biggest flaws is I try too many things without enough time to pull them all off
well. One of my biggest positive traits is I do actually pull offa lot of neat stuff, some not
ready or perfect, but I try, and get the projects to semi-completion. I was joking with the
incredible road photographer, Matt Wignall, who shot all of me and Amber Tamblyn’s
motorcycle poetry tours- I told him I wanted to be a persona at the longer, more boring
poetry shows or the shows where my pals were, to troll them. (Pals heckle pals at poetry
shows.) I wanted to be Dick Richards, the world’s worst poet, but the best cruise ship
pantomimist. Matt was baffled and loved it. We discussed making a picture book of Dick
Richards, after he gets fired, and Dick decides to reveal all his invented cruise ship mime
moves to raise a middle finger to his former employer. It’s called Workin’ Mime to Five,
and it is the lowest-selling Write Bloody book of all time. My neighbor said he has it on
his toilet and it helps make his breakfast move through him faster. I did readings from
it a few times. In Portland, Dick was reading and sharing how cruise ships are better for
getting around than stupid bicycles. A bicycle courier, wasted, tried to charge the stage
and fight me and the host snagged him by his backpack as I readied the microphone for
a left jab. All this to say, you should do pretty stuff and you should do dumb stuff for no
money. No ambition or money attached. For arts sake. Just finish it. Then regret it later.
And have a laugh before you are dust.