Poetry Workshop

1.
What is wrong with this poem?

... Don't say 'higher', say 'loftier'...
... Take out the -ings, use shorter words...
... Too many repetitions, find a better rhyme...

What's wrong?
You can't see the poem for the words.

2.
Paradoxical papyrus, quavering, hieroglyphic
Parallel paragraph, diaphanous and elliptic
Paramount parasite, unsolicited rhinitis
Paranoid pontiff, apocalyptic metamorphosis

What?
You can't see the poem for the words.