by Janet Kuypers
I'm tired of dying for your sins
over and over again and why is it that
I am the one that's doing the dying
when you are the one that's doing the sinning
I don't think you're learning your lesson
I'm tired of taking this knife to my hands
over and over again giving myself the stigmata
the blood gets all over my clothes
and I can never get the stains out
and for what, for you to see how I suffer
I'm tired of being humble when I'm
supposed to be the one with the power
over and over again I become your servant
and never are you bowing to me
I don't even get a thank you
I'm tired of preaching to the converted
when the converted aren't even really listening
they're snoring in the back rows while I
deliver my sermon and there's not even air
conditioning in here and I'm sweating
I'm tired of coming to you and healing the sick
taking away the problems, over and over again
giving you something to look forward to
and all I have is an eternity of waiting for
someone to take my place and tend to my wounds
I'm tired of giving the earth up to you
watching the devil's work be done, and you know,
he's just sitting down there looking at me
and laughing, over and over again because it's
so easy for him when he doesn't have to work
I'm tired of being your salvation
over and over again you turn to me
and I have no one to turn to but myself
it's a bitch, you know, being your own god
since no one can save me from me
I'm tired of being your teacher, handing you
what you need on a silver platter and waiting
for that damn collection plate and someone
is always stealing out of it from the back row
I know who you are, you who leave me nothing
I'm tired of wearing this crown of thorns
over and over again the needles prick my skin
and even gods bleed, at least this one does
and when I ask you to wipe the blood
out of my eyes, well, I can't see you anywhere
I'm tired of being something for everybody
when everyone is nothing for me
maybe the devil has the right idea, you know
maybe I'll sit back and wait for you to miss me
as you wonder who's your messiah now
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ABOUT THE POET ~
Professional performance artist and publisher Janet Kuypers (http://www.janetkuypers.com) is a writer & photographer (and also a minister), editing 2 literary magazines while running Scars Publications (http://scars.tv), publishing magazines, books & CDs. She has 70+ books published (poetry, prose, novels, art), sung in 3 bands, and her CD releases (40+ in 2010) appear at iTunes & other online vendors., Kuypers has been profiled in such magazines as Nation and Discover U, won the award for a Poetry Ambassador and was nominated as Poet of the Year. She has also been highlighted on radio stations, has also appeared on national and local television repeatedly, and ran two Internet radio stations (2005-2009)., She has performed spoken word and music across the country, including in a show at the Albuquerque Spoken Word Festival during the National Poetry Slam, as well as a climactic feature at the 2006 Society of Professional Journalism Expo's Chicago Poetry Showcase; her bands have had concerts in Chicago and Alaska; in 2003 she hosted and performed at her weekly poetry and music open mike "Sing Your Life ". Starting in 2010 Janet Kuypers also hosts "the Cafe" weekly Chicago poetry open mike (http://www.chaoticarts.org/thecafe), with weekly poetry video and pod casts.
Last updated August 16, 2011