the eyes that haunt me

there are eyes that refuse to exist
in the fresh air; they are invented
by the lies of paint or make their mark
in a memory that had a truth
to feed on but only by distortion

right now they sell a dream
i'd like to see the back of; they come
with a whole body rippling me apart
disturbing me with echoes of a flesh
so many layers down the light derides it

why can't i grasp it now
this love's reverberation of a sound
that tunes me deeper than my marrow
but runs from me when wanted to be real
(today's a dried pool whispering of an ocean)

the eyes (unreal or not) persist
life is at base such unreality; it stirs
surfaces through pretences who i am
each a wash of wish (its listless traces
the febrile flickings of a tight core's ends)

i'm struggling now for safety
want something from these diadems
this old light scores in me; these eyes
cradling me as i look through them
(won't let me go and i can't let them)

beyond love they cup aloneness
they're your eyes but my at-one-ment
(more to sing of than i can fathom)
sensing them calmly's the ripest pain
these eyes so poignant they daren't exist