The Price is Right: A Torture Wheel of Fortune

by Edward Dorn

Edward Dorn

The show did not start off
auspiciously, the contestants
were nervous and kept fiddling
with the wires attached
to their privates, the men
being especially anxious
over the question of balls.
The women were more querulous.

The first question, a medical subject,
was why had the anti-abortionists
not mentioned, let alone commented on,
the Baboon Heart transplant?
One terrified contestant guessed
it was because the moral majority's
nervous concern with evolution
precluded their bringing it up.
That hopeful contestant's face
reflected the malicious light
in the eyes of the host who
immediately threw the switch

A powerful surge shot through
the wires and both sexes screamed
and writhed, to the delight of
the vast viewership, estimated
at 100 million, all of whom,
presumably, were delighted
not to be on the show,
because not one in a million
knew the answer.

Last updated October 09, 2022