Am I real ?

Am I real?
Do I exist?
If I died now, would I be missed by more than Mum?
If the sunrise burns my smothered voice,
Would angels praise me for the choice to leave wars left unwon?
I think I’m real;
I do exist,
The monsters back and he is pissed,
He wants my head,
Do you understand I want to live and to be dead?

Am I real?
Do I exist?
I do not think the mouths I’ve kissed curved in a smile,
So, I’ll lie down perchance to dream,
Perchance to float through tears which stream, and rest a while.
I like my life, I like the taste
Of having time I shouldn’t waste,
But I can’t tell if leaving now would be forgiven,
Eternal bliss in endless heaven, or lifetimes spent in hell.

I know I’m real,
I do exist,
So, I’ll sit down and make a list of reasons why
And read one out each time my brain tells me the lie
That I’m not real, I don’t exist.
The thoughts are there, and they persist,
but so do I.