I Ran Away from Home to see how long it’d take my Mother to Notice

by Raymond Antrobus

Raymond Antrobus

Are you my drunk teacher who took our game of rounders way
too seriously? Are you the boy who said I had the ugliest smile
on the playground? Are you the girl who toe punted my balls
and made me a piss sack of blood? The girlfriend who slept with
women behind my back, said it wasn’t cheating? I don’t know
what I’m saying, would you be my friend? I spent hours in the
house alone as a child, I left fingerprints on my sister’s CDs so the
music kept skipping! I wanted her friends to be my friends but I
wasn’t invited to her parties. Are you the party? Are you my Dad
lying on the sofa, saying I’ll soon be dead? When I pull ‘What
Is Existentialism?’ off my mother’s shelf Simone de Beauvoir
says The movement of my transcendence appears futile, I don’t
know what that means so I put it back, fuck! Who loves me?
I’m testing everyone! I need space for all my old and new gooey
needs and projections, I need constant blaring validation alarms,
give me award ceremonies, please observe my wall of fame: Best
Second-Guessing Over-Achiever, Best Internal Monologue While
Drying Dishes, Best Self-Promoter at the Charity Fundraiser,
Best Awkward Silence in a Moving Vehicle, Best Bad Advice to a
Couple in Crisis, Best Non-Smoker in the Smoking Area, Most Self-
Centred Fear during the Global Pandemic, Lifetime Achievement
Award For Most Convincing Head Nod In A Crowded Pub, Most
Triggered Person In An Empty House

Last updated December 07, 2022