The Atheist

by Joe DeMarco

I am reminded of the atheist who died. Or rather was presumably pronounced dead for a short period of time, then revived. Upon waking, the atheist announced that he had gone down the tunnel of white light, had seen his dead relatives and in fact met God. He must have forgotten he didn’t believe in God. Together, perhaps in a city in the clouds or the clouded foggy afterlife, God conversed with the atheist.

A crowd of people had gathered to hear what God had said.

“Did you ask God what the meaning of life was?” people wanted to know.

“Did you ask God what the one true religion is?” others wanted to know.

“Calm down!” the atheist assured them.

“It just so happens, I asked each of those questions,” the atheist concluded smugly.

“And?” people demanded.

There was a pause as if the atheist was conducting the energy of God.

“God told me the meaning of life is…” the people braced for the answer, “Nothing,” the atheist said after a pause. He was ecstatic. The people were more than a little disheartened.

“Nothing, you mean there is no meaning to life?” the people asked.

“Well, that’s one way of putting it,” the atheist said laughing.

“Or another might mean nothing, as in, you get to make it up as you go along,” the atheist said smiling.

“It’s whatever you want it to be,” the atheist explained.

The people did not seem to get it.

A few looked suicidal.

“Well, at least tell us the one true religion,” the people demanded.

“Okay,” the atheist assured them.

There was a pause again as if he was God’s instrument warming up.

“God told me the one true religion is…” the people braced for the answer, “Whichever one is best for you,” the atheist said confidently.

“You mean there is no true religion?” the crowd shrieked.

“What are we going to do?” the people asked starting to riot. They started to push and shove.

The people got really angry and violent, and they eventually tore the atheist apart. As the atheist ascended to heaven he asked God how this could have been avoided.

God told the atheist, “There is only one way you could have avoided death…When the people asked you what God said…you should have stuck to your guns and told them, ‘God…I don’t believe in God.’”

Blind Savior, False Prophet

Joe DeMarco's picture

Joseph DeMarco was born in New York City; he grew up in Buffalo, NY. He has taught seventh grade on the island of Oahu, Hawaii for the last ten years. He is the author of the novels Plague of the Invigilare, The 4 Hundred and 20 Assassins of Emir Abdullah-Harazins, At Play in the Killing Fields, Blind Savior, False Prophet, and Vegans Are Tastier. He is currently working on several new projects.

Last updated November 14, 2011