The Miracle

by Robert A. Lujan

I'm not afraid of letting go-
I'm more afraid that I have to-
I'm not broken that you're gone-
I'm disappointed that I had you-
next to me-
for what seemed-
to be forever-
and I'm standing here why I started hoping you found something better-
I knew I couldn't be what you needed me to-
but couldn't bare with life would be if it meant losing you-
I knew within time you'd see into me-
and find the pain no one to bothered to see-
and she's gone like a waking from a beautiful dream-
and I smile because I have to but its not what it seems-
and now its me and my memories and a song-
and the vision of you sitting here singing along-
with your eyes lit up, pouring coffee in my cup-
but your thoughts crying out "when will enough when will I ever be enough?"-
but I'm disengaged and enstranged and in pain-
and I'm ripping myself to pieces because there's no one to blame-
and even if there was I know I still wouldn't change-
I pretend it's okay when all the while you were my strength-
I see it now like the sun breaking through the clouds-
and these words are my realizations finally speaking aloud-
where were you when she was lying in bed-
covering her face and tears because of words that were said-
that you swore you didn't mean but then you'd say it again-
drawing a mirror on the grains of this page with a pen-
Is it what you wanted are you satisfied now?-
now that your deficiencies are standing on level ground-
welcome to reality it's not as grand as you thought-
now that she's vanished and you can't even manage to talk-
let it go and just hope whatever arm she finds herself in-
will hold her close and won't ever repeat the offense.-

Robert A. Lujan's picture

Born and raised under the blazing sun of the Coachella Valley, the desert landscapes have shaped my thoughts and have allowed me to create my poetry from clear perspective. My style is multi rhyme structure and I lend myself to the disclosing of the impact that love and loss has had in my life. I hope in my poetry you find my pain, as well as my triumph, please enjoy and share any feedback.

Last updated January 11, 2016