About Funny QuotesBest Funny and Humourous Quotes
Browse all poems and texts published on Funny Quotes
Funny Quotes Poems
Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one . . . and got hit by a bus
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once
When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet
I wanted to marry her when I saw the moonlight shining on the barrel of her father's shotgun
Marriage is like a violin. After the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached
My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item she doesn't want
Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up
My wife converted me to religion. I never believed in hell until I married her
The task of reclaiming a bad man is extremely seductive to good women
A chair is a very difficult object. A skyscraper is almost easier. That is why Chippendale is famous
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill, he gave me six months more
"there's something about taking a shower at dusk that I love. Something about going into the shower when it's still light and then coming out when it's dark: it's like being reborn. You're cleansed. I bet Jesus would have loved a shower at dusk."
At Play in the Killing Fields
80s nostalgia is interesting in how the political part is idealized by one segment of the population, and the cultural part by another. Hipsters wearing pastels and Ray Bans usually aren't also into Supply Side Economics and Alexander Haig.
The q uickest way
to get rid of a headache
is to drop a sledgehammer
on your foot.
"Cursing.? A work in progress."
The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.
Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women.
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
It's easy not to hate. The less you see people, the less you hate - until you're left all to yourself.
T. Wignesan, 27 December 2011
Humanimals could create crime, not human beings.
Marriage is popular because it combines the maximim of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.