I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
• Rodney Dangerfield

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
• George Burns

I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
• Carl Sandburg

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
• H. L. Mencken

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
• Saint Augustine

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
• Dave Barry

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
• W. Clement Stone

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
• Yogi Berra

Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.
• Bette Davis

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
• Mark Twain

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