I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
One man's folly is another man's wife.
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.