Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

As I get older, I just prefer to knit.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

I rant, therefore I am.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

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