Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
I never said most of the things I said.
I wish I had the nerve not to tip.
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
Never fight an inanimate object.