It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

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