Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.

One man's folly is another man's wife.

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.

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