If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

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