Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.