Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.

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