Quotes


Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.
• Jerry Lewis

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
• Lily Tomlin

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
• Rodney Dangerfield

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
• Will Rogers

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
• Mitch Hedberg

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
• Laurence J. Peter

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
• Margaret Smith

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
• Ronald Reagan

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
• Mel Brooks

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
• Buddy Hackett


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