Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
• Laurence J. Peter

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
• Joe E. Lewis

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
• Benjamin Franklin

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
• Bill Cosby

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
• Steven Wright

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
• George Burns

I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
• Stephen Fry

I like marriage. The idea.
• Toni Morrison

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
• Les Dawson

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
• Joan Rivers

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