Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

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