Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
• Jim Carrey

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
• Fran Lebowitz

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.
• David Letterman

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
• Robert Benchley

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
• Paul Lynde

I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.
• Mercedes McCambridge

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.
• Johnny Vegas

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
• H. L. Mencken

The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.
• Al Gore

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
• George Carlin

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