Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.

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