I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.
• Warren Buffett

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
• Elayne Boosler

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
• Groucho Marx

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
• Bette Davis

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
• Dave Barry

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
• Robert Orben

That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.
• Joe Rogan

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
• Alanis Morissette

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
• Bob Hope

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
• Jim Carrey

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