Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?

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