Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn.

Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

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