Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
